Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
