My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
