Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
