Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
