I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am available for nakedness
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
