im having a threesome with these popsicles
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
