GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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