i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
