True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
