so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
