In the future we'll all be gay
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
