i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
