your parents love me but you hate me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
