i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
