it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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