The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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