i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
