I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
