let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
