I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
