none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
