the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's blow job season.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
