I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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