you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
