Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
