So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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