Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
