final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
