Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
