Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
