if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
