My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
