Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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