There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
