Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
