If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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