paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
