I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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