My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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