What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think your dad took our porno
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
