dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
