I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
