I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
