so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
