Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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