I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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