Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Randomize
