dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
