hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
