Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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