I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
