Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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