I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
