The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
